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Once a cheater... not always ... a cheater

Infidelity, a sensitive matter that triggers a burst of extreme, unbearable and agonizing emotions, and forces us to make decisions.

The hidden dynamics of affairs are complex and facing them can bring a deep sense of healing. This is what happened to one of the couples I have been working with. Together, we navigated through their shame, guilt, anger and resentment. We brought to the surface surprising forces that helped them reduce the resentment towards each other, towards themselves and heal their relationship. Some belonged to them and some to their parents and Ancestors.

Raen painting-Etsy

It is crucial in such situation that both decide to heal their personal wounds and understand their behaviour and perceptions if healing the relationship is the goal. If only one decides to do the work for two, it is likely to fail.

In their case, we discovered amongst many others, patterns and emotions they released,

  • one parent may have had a hidden family,

  • one still born baby brother could have been alive and stolen,

  • a mother stayed with a partner who sexually abused her child,

  • the loss of a father at an early age triggered a subconscious behaviour of revenge towards the opposite sex,

  • Fear and lack of intimacy and vulnerability as a child with family and friends lead to sabotage relationships as an adult,

  • cheating was a recurrent behaviour in the family, even the extended one,

  • longing for deep connection with friends,

  • a strong judgmental attitude towards someone else who decided to stay with a cheating partner and when faced to their own pride, the judgement transformed into a more compassionate and empathic attitude towards the other person and ultimately towards themselves as their journey became similar,

  • some pain brought to the surface had nothing to do with this relationship but with the buried past.

These are personal to them and it is not always in direct connection to the main issue. Someone else would discover other secrets, other dynamics, other invisible strings. It makes a whole difference when we take the conscious decision towards the next step whether it is to leave, to stay, to compromise, to understand or bury. We change from a victim position to one of power because we chose. Hidden dynamics play a big part in infidelity. It is never just one who is responsible because we bring our baggage into a relationship, and it is the energy of both that creates the dynamic.

While I contacted this specific couple to request their authorisation to share some of their story, I asked them how they were doing and their answer: much better…. Thank you.

Jenny Briard - Peaceful Willow Healing Therapies- 30/01/2022


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